A potential Cumbrian sausage in 3D

Techie telly pundits predict that we will all be watching 3D TV by 01/04/2012.

The future is now!

Residents in a small northern town have discovered that by using red stockings and 3D glasses you could have 3D TV in your home right now – for less than £5.00!

Builders discover ‘the red stocking effect’

In the sleepy Cumbrian town of Liddlesop a pair of  builders accidently invented a fast and cheap way to create a total 3D experience on a regular flat screen TV.

Local odd job men, Nic & Dave Cleron, thought they could save time by wrapping a wall mounted TV with an old red stocking  to protect it from plaster dust.

Attraction of colourful undergarments

‘I thought we could use of one of those old fashioned potato sacks’ said Nic ‘but it’s been years since I’ve seen one of those things’.

Dave continued ‘It was me that thought if there was nothing in the kitchen to cover the telly, the lady of the house probably had some nice tights in her bedroom’ he paused as he remembered ‘she had mostly light brown ones, so the red ones really stood out’.

Cumbria in wonderland

That evening the family of the terraced house returned from a trip to see “Alice in Wonderland in 3D” at their local cinema.

Glasses similar to those used by the family to watch Alice in Wonderland

‘The kids had drank loads of fizzy pop and were still wearing those 3D glasses when they clicked the telly on’ said mother of three  Annie Pyean ’I noticed the builders had left our TV wrapped in my old stockings’.

‘I was about to whip them off and the kids screamed nooooo – it’s amazing’

Father abandons family vision

Annie’s husband, Dennis, chipped in:

‘Well, I said what the bloody hell are you on about and they started yelling the pictures are in the room

‘I thought they were bloody crackers, so went off to bed’ said former milk man Dennis.

However, Mrs Pyean took a look at the screen through her own specially designed 3D cinema glasses and was astonished to find that the image was indeed in 3D.

‘It was only a 5 denier stocking, red ones that I hadn’t worn for years’ said the former nursery school teacher ‘I was actually planning to turn them into a toy for the cat’.

Harry Hill on living room carpet

‘But with the telly wearing my old tights it made it like magic, it were that Harry Hill program we always watch on Saturdays – it’s daft but we love it’. Chuckling, she went on to say ‘And in 3D it were even dafter’.

A typical family home in Cumbria

News quickly spread through the close knit community and within 3 days the local hosiery shop had totally sold out of red, 5 denier stockings.

Expert digital analysis provides proof

Professor Aton Lyen, of Manchester University, heard from one of his Cumbrian born students about the craze for putting stockings on television sets and he promptly set up an experiment in his lab.

Pay attention, here come the science bit

‘I was skeptical at first’ said the French born, Stockport dwelling prof ‘But as soon as I dimmed the lights and placed the 3D glasses over my regular, prescription  glasses the screen came alive and I was immersed in a sea of images.’

He went on to explain:

‘The diffusion of light through a very particular density of the colour red, in this case 5 denier, causes a unique prismic refraction  that can only be discerned via a primary colourfied optical lense – in this case 3D viewing glasses’.

The recent PhD graduate continued: ‘The combined blurification triggers the normally dormant lower left lobe of the brain, which itself enhances normal visual experience. But with the addition of the televisual beam, it turns two dimensional experience into a 3 dimensional phenomenon.’

Turn your 2D TV into a 3D TV

A stocking can easily stretch to cover even large TV screens

In short, you can turn your flat screen TV into a 3D TV simply by wrapping it in a 5 denier red stocking and wearing a pair of 3D glasses.

3D glasses can be purchased online for as little as £1.50 and red, 5 denier stockings are available at various retailers for approximately £3.75

TV shows other than Harry Hill are available across all British TV broadcasting networks in both 2D and 3D.